Not including the obviously underage trolls for what hopefully are obvious reasons, or Remele, because I didn't have a funny one for her.
Marsti: You couldn't decide between sexy maids and sexy nurses, so you split the difference and went for a woman who cleans for a living and has medical knowledge.
Skylla: You believe in saving horses by offering rides to cowgirls.
Chixie: If someone gave you a gun with two bullets and put you in a room with Hitler, Pol Pot, and Zebruh, you'd shoot Zebruh twice.
Folykl: You're really insecure about your appearance and you like that she can't see how ugly you are.
Polypa: The more capable a woman is of kicking your ass, the sexier you find her.
Konyyl: The more capable a woman is of kicking your ass, the sexier you find her. You're also a chubby chaser.
Bronya: You want a nice wholesome waifu you can take home to your parents. You also like mommy dommes.
Lynera: You watched Mirai Nikki and didn't see anything unhealthy about Yukiteru and Yuno's relationship.
Daraya: Your spank bank consists entirely of Suicide Girls.
Tyzias: You are either a sleep deprived college kid or you remember being one.
Stelsa: You non-ironically use the term "oppai" in real-life conversations.
Ardata: You think safe words are for pussies.
Elwurd: You're an old-fashioned, salt-of-the-earth lipstick lesbian who defines marriage as strictly being between one butch and one femme.
Nihkee: Your spank bank consists entirely of female bodybuilders.
Chahut: You are unafraid of death by snu snu. Indeed, you would welcome it.